Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
