Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
time to smoke my breakfast
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize