just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
