Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
