Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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