She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
