So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
