sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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