Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
