it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
