They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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