this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
