I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
