Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He did a backflip because drugs
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
