They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Your cock deserves a montage
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
