4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
