Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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