apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
