she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
