i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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