All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
