Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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