she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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