This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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