were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
