After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
