I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
