He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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