So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think my moral compass just broke
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