I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
