obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Be still, my beating vagina.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
