It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
