I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize