i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
