After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Randomize
