you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
