she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
