Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
