All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
