So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
