covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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