Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
