this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize