im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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