We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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