I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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