im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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