did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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