Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
