ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
