Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize