Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
