Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
