So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
