i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
