Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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