We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
