You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
