wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
