I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
