I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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