I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
