I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
