i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
