In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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