It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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