My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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